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Jun. 22nd, 2015

As far as average "not doing what I want, but doing the best I can find and get paid for" kind of jobs go. This one seems okay. Definitely a big step up from my last one; where even though I had insurance, they were making it difficult to get time off to use. Unloading trucks, stacking boxes and pulling skids works far better for me work wise. Almost ideal in those respects. A couple guys are on the jerky side. I get compliments from others. One said a lot of people are going to management to tell them how great I am. I'm starting to adjust to the new schedule. I'm catching up around the house. Then I will be back to doing what I want.

happy/quit my job for a better one

A little being off by being up this late. A good bit unwinding drinking wine and being completely excited for probably never having ever felt so good. A lot of looking forward to calling this morning to quit my shit job. "At Will Employment" goes both ways motherfuckers! Then there is just enjoying life right now!

doubt belief question opinions

I doubt I believe in anything. Is that because I question everything? I'm not tethered to my opinions either. It's better this way. I'm fully capable of thinking as I go. Am I deprogrammed yet? Goals.

on my way back

I'm getting better. I have at least a good few big ills I'm finally getting help with. Don't expect me go without a fight.

black slide

I've been thinking a lot about being in touch with my "dark" side. Tear people's heads off. Run out spreading chaos, screaming into primal oblivion. Which is "good", troublesome, and complicated.

Supporting Liefstyles

I visited the sweet spots I had time for and know of in Columbus Ohio after my appointment. Between buying LPs by Morton Subotnick, Pink Floyd, Half Japanese, and Sunn O))); I decided people shouldn't support musicians, noisicians and the like. They shouldn't unless they truly love the art and it's released on a format that is good enough for them. That said, I'm occasionally guilty of neglecting checking up on whether or not it was only an analog recording. But they often don't say. Assholes. Back to the point I was getting to: in my experience, most people are total shit bags and don't care the slightest about you. Don't worry about supporting them.

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Thyroid

The past week I went to the doc. I'm going back Monday. The thyroid test finally shows there is a problem. So we're gonna see about fixing it and hopefully I'll stop being exhausted all the time chugging caffeine while trying everything else to feel better. But my problems are not your problems. How are you supposed to understand my problems? Sounds like a personal problem. I'm probably just lazy and a rotten individual.

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Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Fuuuck. Finally got my music equipment hooked up for hi-fi album playing and making my music. Should be a consolidated version of my previous two projects into one, which will be great if I can just hook this up and leave it alone. I've been busy but I'll get creative again. Now if only I can do it better and more often. I knew the move here would set me back but I also changed things up and the usual ADD and probable thyroid pains in the ass. Gotta find new doctors online before getting back to it.

Weekend Cat Murder/Sunday Plans

I hate constantly refining rants in my head at work. I like zen days. There isn't enough headache medicine nor an ice pack to consider sharing what's on my mind. Then over the weekend some shithead teens caught our house's outdoor cat, held her down and force fed her about three cups of antifreeze. Her memorial is this weekend. We're working on letting neighbors and the local media know for a start and waiting on the last lab results before we will put the vet's reputation on the line to back up the police report.

Best! Boyfriend! Ever!

Apparently the order finally went through for my ideal partner. Different yet complimentary trumps sameness. Above and beyond all previous hopes for sweetness, sexiness, understanding, complexities, love, talent, inspiration.. Everything. Everyday I'm in awe of this guy and looking forward to us learning more about each other. I'm completely thankful for him, the nice new home, car, job, bike and roommates.

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