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I pray sometimes. It's never done me any good, that I can tell. Maybe it's my lack of faith.

I was called a coward yesterday, by someone I know. I don't want to say what I think about that. I don't know how serious they were either. I will say, I spend my life being frightened.

I tell all this to my counselor. I tell her it gets harder and harder for me to get anything done. How am I gonna work a regular job? How am I going to do that, and go to college at the same time? I just finally got past the point where I don't just lay in bed all day, sleeping over fourteen hours during the day and night. Everything has seemed so out of control. I really fear where my life will go, if this keeps up. I've felt like my life has passed me by, at least, ever since I was 24. Probably before that too.

My counselor says these are all symptoms of deep depression and a poor self image. She says to hang in there, try to think positive. Says it isn't too late to go to school and make my life better. I've been wasting away, but soon I'm going to go to bartending school. That'll be the first step in pulling myself out of this pit. zjon has volunteered to help me plan out getting back into college. It all seems so totally overwhelming. Though I guess everything else has too. But especially that. I'm really hoping these new anti-depressants will start helping.

zjon said yesterday, that we probably won't become more than close friends. I said, "That's okay. I want to be in love. But I know it's not as easy as just running out and getting it." To be honest, I saw this news coming. I wasn't feeling like we were becoming closer. Ze has always been upfront and honest the whole time we've been around each other. Such valuable traits. How completely refreshing!

In other news.. *shuffles papers on desktop* Melt-Banana is doing the theme song for the weird cartoon, "Perfect Hair Forever". You can catch it late on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim lineup. Some people on melt_banana said they introduced it in concert, as being called, "Hair Cat". I'm hoping they put it on an album or cd single.

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