?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Writer's Block: Forever young?

If you were forced to live forever at any age, what age would you choose, and why? What if your memories stopped at your chosen age? How would that impact your decision?
I'm not sure. I'm less in shape right now than when I was say 26. I might occasionally get to feeling awkward or a little insecure about how I look anymore; but I snap out of that pretty quick by thinking that I just need to start working out again, and I'm certain that I'll be in as good or better shape than I was. Maybe that sounds like a lie or some unrealistic power of positive thinking rubbish to you; though that's how it's always been for me. So it's become progressively easier to come to expect such results.

Each outcome has most likely also been aided by my improving mental states over the years. I was usually horribly depressed growing up. Like just yesterday I was at work and remembered when I was in kindergarten and I was just sitting in the sunshine during a beautiful day on the lowest rung of the jungle gym staring at the grass and feeling very badly. A boy I didn't know a few grades higher walked up and asked me what was wrong. I didn't want to talk about it. I try to remember the conversation but I can't. I asked him to leave me alone. He didn't. So later I told my teacher that he was bullying me and to make him stay away. Later she told me that he said that he was only trying to talk with me.

My sadness seemed uncontrollable for most of my early youth so I thought that it would be best not to think about what bothered me, which helped in some ways sometimes to control my emotions and be more sociable. It made things worse too. Sometimes people think that talking with people about your problems won't help and it isn't true, but I believe it was for me as a child.

But back to answering the question, if I had to choose it'd be a really difficult decision because I'd want to look into the future for the optimal time in my life. Who knows? It may turn out to be when I'm much older. And if my memories would stop at that age I'd definitely choose an older age. I don't want my greatest achievements & self realizations to be fleeting moments lost in time. People make such a huge stink about growing older and oh the wonderful glory of their youth tragically being over! Bullshit! Usually their lives have gotten worse entirely by their own choosing from too much regret and living in the past along with a big helping of the usual over idealization of youth. Yeah my youth may have been almost completely dysfunctional and squandered, thus giving me good reasons why everything in my life is constantly getting better. But it seems to usually be quite rare for people to have well adjusted highly productive times growing up. They seem to be the exceptions to what is normal. But who doesn't make mistakes? Plus times of awkwardness go hand in hand with growing up. So whatever. Can we please move on now?

More shining rainbows up your assholes to come. So why don't you just bend over and relax?

Latest Month

August 2017
S M T W T F S
  12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031  
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Akiko Kurono