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more notes/counselor

I shouldn't have compared what I've been feeling, as feeling like being on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I don't know what a nervous breakdown is. Now I'm curious.

Poured out my pent up emotions and tears yesterday, to my counselor. It never feels like I get to cry enough. I try not to sob so much that I can't keep talking. Gotta make the most of our time. Though maybe it's more productive to sob. Talk talk talk. Should scream out and feel the despair.

I won't be changing counselors for around a month or so. She says she'd like to stay my counselor for as long as she can, till I move. I've gotta remember to fill out the anti-depressant paper. Gotta write three dates on the calendar. Skating this Saturday or Sunday with a girl I know. Seeing nurse practitioner. Next counseling session, two weeks away. Wish I didn't have to wait so long. It's such a relief to let it all out. Put down my guard. It took a long time; but I trust my counselor now.

I've been feeling nervous about going through the name change stuff. Shopping is depressing. Especially grocery shopping. Did that tonight. Ya have to go spend money on disposable items and listen to their depressing music. I guess it can be ok with someone else. Maybe even fun with the right person. Just sad by myself.

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