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I feel like becoming more anti-social. It seems the more I get to know people, the more alone and sometimes even betrayed I find out I am. Feeling/thinking this now may be influenced by being sick, frustrated and sort of depressed. Oddly enough, the amount of depression in my life isn't anywhere near where it once was. I'm chalking that up to: 1. The crawling progress on my music project. Slow but sometimes I'll be driving along or whatever thinking about moments; maybe just a second or so, while I'm making my music and suddenly everything seems worth it to be right there. I may want to exact the perfect revenge almost the entire rest of the time and/or die. But there are those moments. 2. Finally knowing even if I don't continue being with my boyfriend for whatever reason, I can actually find someone who is caring, understanding and compatible while being attractive, talented, smart and cool. There have got to be more likewise friends out there! Wild! Maybe I just need a break from sifting through the too stupid, too ignorant, close-minded, true believers, assholes and likewise people who only serve to slow down any progress or hurt me. I might as well drop out of existence at this rate.

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August 2017
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